Wednesday, August 25, 2010

"Please take me back!".

"Please, please please please take me back!"

Of all the uncomfortable feelings that happen after a breakup, some of the most devastating feelings of being unlovable, unworthy and rejected. You lose so much pride that it's hard to think of any way to gain their heart and love back, and being worthy in a relationship once again. You end up by acting in undesirable and desperate ways. You plead, you beg, you stalk, you cry, you threaten, and you dream incessantly about ways of getting back in the good and loving graces.

The loss of pride after a breakup causes us to try to convince our partners that they are 'wrong'and our way is 'right'. We try logical reasoning, pouting, blaming, begging, pleading, demanding, being sad, being angry- any way we can to get them see our way. But rarely do we stop and see things their way. Our pride gets in the way of letting us to do that.

It's amazing how many people in a breakup believe it is the loss of their mate that causes them the grief, when in reality it is the loss of their ego and pride that hurts them the most and causing them to feel desperate yet deceiving to regain their ex-girlfriend's or ex-boyfriend's love and approval. Once you realize this, you can take steps to understand how this loss of pride and ego has caused you grief and how the more you try in a desperate, needy manner to win your ex back the more you will be even more worthy of being rejected and the more you will lose your dignity, pride and ego.

There are many ways to overcome this situation- after a break up. You can either expect to have the feelings of loss and grief or you can just move on. Sometimes the grieving starts all over again but just when you start thinking of it, you will soon realize that you are moving on. Whatever it is, allow the grief to happen. Grief is not something you get over, it is something you get through. Cry if you feel sad. Punch your pillow. Call your mother or a close colleague and wail away. They'll understand. Moreover, re-plan the future and set some new and realistic goals to strive for. Don't rush into dating again. When you were in your relationship you gave 'pieces'of yourself to your mate and to your relationship. Wait until you have regained all your pieces back before thinking about giving of yourself again in another relationship. Lastly, find forgiveness. Finding forgiveness for those who have hurt us is very beneficial for the peace of our mind.

For every broken heart there is an acceptance that is not recognize by the bearer. Only by accepting our broken status will our heart not seem so broken anymore -Tigress Luv-

....maybe they are in your life
....maybe they are gone.
....maybe they just can't give you what you want
or need from them.
....or maybe they just don't want to.

Monday, August 23, 2010

I'm home

Now, the school holidays is here and I suppose I have lots of free time. Instead of squandering my free time on computer games and sleeping, I should spend it wisely at home, a place where balance comes in. Finally, I'm home. This time, I'm not travelling. I just want to stay at home with my family, enjoy all the time with them.

I'm happy with my life now. For those people from the past, I'm sorry. I have to let you all go. For some people from the past who read this post, I hope you'll understand my condition. I don't want to befriend or stay in touch with you guys anymore. I'm so sorry....

Got to go. I plan to make lamb chop today. Ala baru nak mula belajar... till then.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

I am rich

Rich is a relative term. Some use it for money, some use it for happiness. However,recently, I bitterly reflect everything I owned and I started to ask this question: Am I rich?

Yes, I am rich! It is not that I got lots of money but it is because I am still blessed to have both of parents around. They are the two of the smartest people I've ever met, and, more importantly, the kindest, most generous and most loving. They work hard to make everything fit together at the end of the day and never expect anything in return. Obviously I've been richly blessed.

Being a medical student is not as easy as blinking your eyes. It is a tough road. I have to admit that we got chemistry with these three things: sleep deprivation, palpitation and stressful situation. I cried a lot. I suffer a lot. And yes, I've been through many obstacles: School, Ex boyfriends, etc. After painful reflection, I started to realize that I manage to survive until now because of my parents. Whenever I get depressed, I remember, I have parents who are there for me no matter what. In fact, they are my strength and I don't know how I'd live without them.

I want to finish school, getting married to someone who loves me, having a steady career, following my dreams and someday giving them grandchildren. I want them to be proud of me. I couldn't ask for anything more. I love them very much and I'll forever remember everything they taught me. I know I can't thank The beneficent One enough for blessing me with the most supportive and wonderful parents but I thank Him for the blessing of being born to these two remarkable people and admit that I am treated by God as the "Rich People". Thank You!

Friday, August 13, 2010

ujian

Do you have someone in your life who is sick and unfortunately battling cancer or another disease? After being diagnosed with cancer, the stress can seem unbearable for both the patient and their families. Once the doctor has given the initial diagnosis, the rough journey begins and many questions pop up along the way. Cancer is a long and windy road with many bumps and skids along the way but there are ways to cope with the stress that cancer throws on your shoulder.

Sometimes your greatest asset is simply your ability to make them feel instantly calm and at ease when you are around. Talking to someone who is sick is not always easy- Knowing what to say, how to respond to them and when to make jokes. They'll say they are fine and don't worry but for me never assume fine is fine. These make me keep thinking what are people supposed to do or say around people who are in the process of undergoing treatment to battle cancer or to someone who has recently survived cancer?

We don't know when we will fall sick or die or get married. What I want to say is, just be good and kind to others. If you hate some people, just let them go and don't hurt their feeling anymore. We just don't know when we or that person will die.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

The holiday

First of all, I'd like to say I've passed the Osce exam. Now that I've got out of whatever situation I were in, probably, a good time to say Thank You to all of you who might have lent a helpful hand along the way and pray for my success. Thank You Very Much!

Enough with the OSCE thing. Now I'm in full holiday mode for about 2 months and I'm happy to say that it has been nothing but filled to the brim with full of activities.I've been busy over the last few months, so much I have almost forgotten what it feels like to be so carefree and oblivious towards anything but my own joy and contentment. Granted, that sounds pretty much selfish, but please, let me do everything I want to do during my holiday before I once again set foot on the grounds of what reality truly is supposed to be and jump my head into the life of 'Doctor Muda'.

Kak Jue will be here for 5 days from 21-25 August and we've made plans to do some shopping in Bandung. So, I'll be going back home on August 25th with her. I'm extremely looking forward to see her and to go home. Lastly, Selamat Berpuasa to all Muslims out there. Jangan lupa terawih, kawan-kawan.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Busy

If anyone still looks at my blog, I am posting to hereby declare that I am, in fact still alive and well. I've been busy lately so I haven't had time to write in this very blog. A lot has happened in the month since my last post and here are some of the highlights.

OSCE-Objective structured clinical examination.
July has brought the heat into my life. I turned myself into becoming a nerd zombie, prepared for this so-called osce examination- An exam to test clinical skill performance. To tell you the truth, spending the weekend actually staying in my room drove me crazy than ever . I didn't go out watching movies or doing something fun. I cried a lot and my parents were worried about me. I was suffering from lack of sleep and after periods of extended wakefulness and reduced sleep, my neurons began to malfunction, visibly effecting my behavior. Some of my friends noticed that I'm listless and zombie-like. Seriously the bad quality of sleep directly affects the quality of waking life. At last towards the end, I still manage to survive till day X-Osce! I'm absolutely whacked! As for everyone that is waiting for your exams, I currently feel your pain and I wish you Good luck!

Blackberry
Its not a fruit. Its not a flavor of an icecream. Its a gadget, a phone! I've just bought the Blackberry Curve and got to admit that it is kind of slick looking. Now I've got my blackberry, I use my blackberry for everything. It is the BB (best-buddy) ever! Jom BBM, Jom!