And this bird you cannot change

Change, change, change!!! Some people claim to be suffering and say they want to change. Yet, their actions suggest otherwise. So, those who are thinking of change should begin by asking themselves, "Do I really want to change?" or 'Do I really need to change?". You want it or you need it? Do you really want to make those changes or are you trying to become someone you are not?

Yes I 'need' to change BUT only if I 'want'' to be better cause I myself is responsible for my happiness. Not my parents, friends or someone else. It means, I accept responsibility by stop blaming the world for my suffering. So, I stop looking for excuses and start looking for solutions. I need to study harder so I can pass the exams. I need to control my anger so that nobody is going to get hurt. That is, I have to change my thoughts, beliefs, and view so that I'll be able to move forward. Sure, there are times when doing this thing is necessary-so I choose to change!

But on some deep level, we are who we are. "What was wrong with the old me?". I've spent a lifetime becoming who I am. First off, I'm unique- no one in this world like me. So, why change?Perhaps I've got nothing in particular to offer the world. Maybe I don't feel unique, I feel anonymous. Then there might be thousands of reasons why I should change. Otherwise, just be me. Let other people be their own unique people. And I just concentrate on being myself. God has created one very special person. Its me!

In other words, I can always seek to be a better person because I have to but I should not change and transform to be someone else in order to impress or prove to someone that 'this is a new me'. No need! Perhaps I can start doing things I love to do instead of trying to shoehorn myself into someone else's box. I'll not fit me.

Doa seorang doktor

Doa Seorang Doktor

Penuhilah kiranya saya, dengan pengetahuan yang cukup

dan akal budi luhur

agar saya dapat membaktikan hidup saya

pada si kaya dan si miskin

pada kawan maupun lawan

dan semoga saya tidak memandang apapun dalam diri si sakit

selain seorang kawan manusia yang tengah menderita.

angkara marah

Like all emotions, anger is a very natural response to a particular situation- Constant moodiness, sarcasm and hurtful comments meant to demean or shame others. Instinctively, we are hardwired to react aggressively when faced with a real or perceived threat.

Everyone gets angry whether as a fleeting annoyance or as full-fledged rage cause we are human after all. A human. And it is not an exception. I myself is included! Usually, when I get angry, my anger will be suppressed and turn inward on myself because I didn't allow myself to express the feeling inside me unless I can't hold in my anger any longer. Sometimes, I respond aggressively in order to express the feeling. I just realized that suppressing my anger lead to pathological expression of anger and create other problems. I live in depression and not surprisingly, I am not likely to have many successful relationship. After so many depressing incidents in my life previously, I think it is best for me to develop some strategies to keep those triggers from tipping me over the edge. So, I put many efforts to deal with my own anger and from time to time, I learnt how to manage it. Sometimes, I express the feeling but sometimes, I just let it go. I just calm down inside because I know that if I did not control my anger, someone is going to get hurt! And not to mention, to my dear family, thank you for the unconditional love and support that you've showered me throughout the process especially when everything falls apart- to start over and to be better!

Everything is just fine for now... and lets hope it will always be fine!

Doa 'ángkara marah': Al-Hasyr :10, Ali-Imran: 200, As-Syura: 19